Change
Hurts -- Here's Why
Marty Rodgers just got a big promotion. After 18 years of dedicated service, Eva Mortenson just got laid off. And last week, entrepreneur Ben Collins launched PetTags, his new vision of commercial splendor.
At first blush, these career events might not seem to have much in common. But peel back the individual drama and there’s a common thread: all of these fictitious individuals are in the throws of change. Happy or sad, forced or chosen, each professional will move through a similar pattern -- an ending, a period of confusion and a new beginning –- for these dynamics are at the heart of every career, and indeed, every life transition.
As creatures who are happiest avoiding pain and pursuing pleasure, we tend to leap to the new beginning as quickly as possible. Yet, unless the first two stages are honored, no real new beginning is ever achieved. Marty may have a new title or Ben a new business, but more likely than not, these changes are only external masks – no internal realignment has taken place. It’s a personal version of a brand new song with the same old melody lingering in the background.
Endings always leave something or someone behind. Understanding what (or who) that is and saying a proper ‘good-bye’ is critical whether you chose the ending or not. For Marty Rodgers, this might mean grieving for a lost sense of identity and control. For Ben Collins, it might mean honoring a past that has brought him to his current fortune: thanking former colleagues for their support or creating an assimilation plan for his successor.
In fact, it is precisely by honoring endings at the feeling level, whether joyful or sorrowful, that Marty and Ben allow themselves to move forward with their integrity intact and to anticipate their future gains much more intensely.
You might be thinking that all this is well and good for Marty’s and Ben’s welcomed moves. They chose their paths and worked tirelessly to get there. But what about Eva’s unplanned tumble? Does she run the risk of hanging onto her past forever?
Since Eva’s termination has an inherently greater charge around it, it could be more challenging for her to honor and let go of her ending. On the other hand, because her severance is more overt, it has an urgency about it that begs to be handled -- unlike Marty and Ben who might be inclined to dismiss their endings as no-longer-useful and unwanted cast offs.
Eva’s ‘good-byes’ are likely to include honoring several losses – those comfortable, collegial relationships nurtured by years of sharing day-to-day challenges and triumphs, and more likely than not, the loss of expected financial security. There may be other feelings to explore, too, such as personal rejection, self-confidence or anger.
One of the most important things Eva can do to jump start her ending is to accept the reality of modern-day organizational strategies: it is not personal, it’s just business. While feelings of resistance, victim-hood or anger are understandable, these feelings keep you stuck. Only when you accept the present can you move your life forward.
Despite these noble farewells, a slippery slope lies ahead for this trio. Much as they’d love it, ‘good-byes’ won’t automatically catapult them into nice, neat trajectories aimed at their new beginnings. Between the old and the new is a period where nothing feels quite right. In his book Transitions, Making Sense of Life’s Changes, William Bridges describes it as a period of emptiness and often, confusion. Marty’s learning curve on the new job, for example, or Ben’s search for just the right strategy to crack open his market.
This stage – of experimenting, of finding your way -- may not feel ideal, but it does lend perspective on where you’ve come from and where you’re going. What’s important is to recognize it and to be able to put language around it, especially in those moments of greatest frustration. It is new learning taking hold, undoing old paradigms and creating new ones, a bridge connecting the old with the new. When seen in this light, is easier to stick it out, knowing that it is part of a process, unavoidable and full of promise.
But let’s go back to Eva for a moment. Just as we assume she may have the greatest difficulty honoring her ending, she may also seem destined for the longest struggle in no-man’s land. In reality, this will depend on many variables. For example, how solid was her ending? What is her capacity to see opportunity rather than defeat in her situation? Can she live with a higher-than-normal degree of ambiguity, at least for awhile? What kind of support network can she gather around herself? And, what inner resources can she bring to bear to help her find work that she really cares about? All of these perspectives will dictate the speed which Eva, or any individual moves through this rocky terrain.
Intriguingly, it is only at the end of our transition process that we reach our new beginning. Backwards to all that is intuitive and comfortable -- yet this new beginning is not an independent point of light, but the result of the process of honoring the old and readying oneself for the new. Marty assumes a new level of leadership competence and asserts himself in fresh and innovative ways. Ben “gets” that his old paradigms – of work style, marketing and managing – are worn formulas that do not optimize success in his new world. And Eva uses her “opportunity” to find work that energizes her in ways she never thought possible.
Such beginnings are accessible to everyone, and the truth is, everyone has a little trouble with them. Like breaking in new shoes. Take a few steps at a time, and know that a marvelous fit is just around the corner.
###
##
PERMISSION TO REPRINT: This article may be reprinted provided it appears in its entirety with the following attribution:
© Copyright 2001-2008 PurposefulWork.com. Reprinted by permission of Patricia Soldati, an IAC certified coach, career counselor and certified professional resume writer who helps corporate professionals advance their careers. For information about her services, visit http://www.purposefulwork.com.
©
PurposefulWork.com 2001-2008
All rights reserved.
|
|
